Lull Before the Treatment

I decided to go ahead with the HIV and Hep B tests, and conveniently, this took no more than a phone call as they can use old stocks of blood to do this. The nurse tells me I should have the results in about a week. I am a little anxious.

I've been feeling quite overwhelmed since opening this blog, in a good way because it has generated a lot of support, and I am very grateful to everyone who has responded with welcoming and helpful comments, thank you all so much.

The other side of the coin is I sent myself dizzy, hopping from one blog to another and working out how to create my own, staying up late. This frazzled my brain and set the focus on me, me, me and all the health issues I seem to be juggling and sent me under for a bit.

I'm reducing my HRT at the moment and I'm like a woman on the edge, my partner would probably describe me as something like Reagan from The Exorcist, and if I heard him I'd possibly crush his nuts and eat em!

Another thing that's going on for me now is that after keeping my HCV status secret from all but family and close friends, I now find with treatment on the way, I'm having to disclose this in a larger arena for my own sanity. It has become unbearable to sit with colleagues putting plans into place for our summer activity programme knowing full well I will not be there, and that my absence may affect those plans negatively.

I recently advised my line manager that I am unlikely to be in work for the month of August as I am to undergo a 48 week course of chemotherapy but have not told her why. Of course she assumed that I had cancer which really bothered me and when I tried to steer her away from that idea, I found I was creating a bigger drama and generating intrigue.

I have now decided I will tell my line manager of my condition in order to gain her support and understanding. It will be easier dealing with other colleagues if she is helping bat away uncomfortable questions. I am also disclosing to a wider circle of friends too, I think it may be too much of a strain to stay mum during treatment.

Anyway I am going to Crete on Tuesday for a week and I'm really looking forward to stepping back from all this and just spending some lovely days and evenings. We are going to Chania, and we will be staying in an area of little fishing villages with mountains as well as beaches so I'm really happy about that. The hotel sounds lovely, its right on the beach and I'm dreaming of lazy sunny days, cosy tavernas, greek salads and gorgeously fit waiters dancing to Zorba the Greek. We have never been to Crete before so this is somewhere new for us.

Hopefully I will have the results of the HIV and Hep B test by the time I get back from holiday so I will include them in my next post.